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No, this has nothing to do with the poops you’re all familiar with. I’m referring to one of the comments left for The BFF Crew.
This has everything to do with poops in relation to girl-time. Girl-time. I like to make girl friends but I always get major anxiety about where it’ll lead and it usually leads to “girls’ night.” During girls’ night, there are lots of discussions about pedicures, dildos, boyfriends meeting boyfriends, designer jeans and plans to arrange more girls’ nights.
1) Pedicures - I have never gotten nor will I ever get a pedicure. I hate my feet and I want to minimize any attention towards them. (Great, I just brought attention to them). Also, I don’t ever want to slave over someone else’s feet, so do unto others and such.
2) Dildos - OK, sometimes I want to talk about dildos, like what a great name it has, how it can be used as a weapon against foes (Sorority Boys), and how serene it would look floating in a swimming pool. What I don’t want to talk about is what can be done with dildos that don’t involve weaponry or swimming pools…while drinking wine and high-fiving each other.
3) Boyfriends meeting boyfriends - This is just too stressful and should happen naturally without any force or nagging or pretty pleases.
4) Designer jeans - I don’t own any. I have no idea what this lifestyle is like.
5) Plans to arrange more girls’ nights - AAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Plus, if it’s girls’ night out, I can’t dance sexily and my boobs aren’t big enough to buy me drinks. So I can’t share any glory stories at the next girls’ night in.
So yah, poops.
I like making friends but I have a hard time maintaining friendships. This could be partly due to me having mild phone anxiety. I’m fine if I’m discussing certain details like where and when I’m going to meet someone, but as soon as I need to make conversation I start to get hot and sweaty and lightheaded. Yvonne and I have discussed this and we’ve concluded that this stemmed from having only one phone in a very public place while growing up and parents who like to eavesdrop.
The friends I have made outside of work are for the most part non-smokers. A lot of the friends I have made at work are smokers. Generally, a lot of people at work are smokers. A standard work day is 9-5 with people staying late as needed. A standard smoke break usually starts at 10:00 a.m., mere 60-minutes after arriving. Then the smoke breaks continue to happen on the hour, every hour till the end of the day. They last for 5-10 minutes each time. If I saved up all the breaks I could be taking if I were a smoker, I think I could retire early.
I don’t really look forward to going to work functions, happy hours, goodbye parties, birthday celebrations, etc., because again, every 20 minutes (it’s more frequent during these events) my work friends will go outside or onto the patio to take a smoke break. This leaves me standing inside the bar holding the same, empty and lonesome bottle of beer I’ve been holding all night long. This empty bottle is basically a decoy since I need to drive home and a little goes a long way for me. So instead of having to answer questions about whether or not I drink, if they can get me something, or if I want to take a shot with them, I hold up my decoy bottle to let everyone know that yes, I am a drinker; no thanks, I’m currently working on a drink; and sorry, I don’t mix.
Again, before you think I’m some fuddy-duddy, I have to stress that a little goes a long way for me. If I’m with someone who can safely take me home, or if I can walk home, then I’ll enjoy a couple of cocktails. But since I don’t trust myself to drive home after even just two beers, I carry around an empty beer bottle. This doesn’t mean that I pretend to be drunk. No way. I’ve been in the company of a fake drunkie and it was very annoying. I couldn’t do that to someone, or subject myself to that sort of embarrassment.
Speaking of embarrassments, I’ve definitely cut down (although compared to many, I didn’t have a lot to cut down from) since Halloween of 2006. That night will forever haunt my life.
