Meet Mia and Joe.

I’ve been their slave for just about six days now. Three and a half more days to go.

Mia is usually pretty independent and confident, but lately she’s been picking up after Joe’s neediness. After walking them, feeding them, playing with them, holding them and still having them whimper and whine at me, I caught myself massaging their necks to keep them satisfied. This made me think of Jennifer Lopez and how she (according to Dlisted.com), “has employed a professional baby masseuse to come in once or twice a week.”

Is this what I’ve become? A person slaving away to ridiculous creature demands? I shouldn’t be stressing out over a dog’s needs but each time they whine, I find myself going through a list of possible dog comforts that I could present them with. Those dogs should be massaging me (!!!) and thanking me (!!!) for picking up after them - a terrible chore for someone who has a huge poo-in-places-other-than-a-toilet fear. Seriously, ask Charley about the first time I ever picked up after a dog.

So every morning, I wake up and rush through my daily preparations so that they won’t have to wait too long for me to take them out. Then I spend 20-minutes taking them to every single grass patch while watching very carefully to make sure they do their business. I am both anxious and hesitant when it comes to #2. I want it to be over with, but I dread what I have to do with it. After the deed(s) are complete, I take them inside and feed them, all the while making sure they won’t slyly jump on the couch and rub themselves on it. Then, and only then can I water and feed myself. Luckily during the workday, I get a break. I drop them off at my sister’s house (oh yeah, these are my sister’s dogs and while she’s visiting Oregon, I’m taking care of her babies). At the end of my workday, I pick them up and spend another 20-minutes walking them and then we get in my car and head home, my home, where I don’t do anything but jump to their many requests. I’ve been living for them lately and neglecting my own basic needs.

Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs. I love these dogs. Actually, I love these dogs when Yvonne, my sister, brings them over and I get to pet them and she takes them out when they need to go. And I especially love saying, “goodnight, goodbye, see ya fools in a few days” to them.

This has been a good experience for me. It has taught me that I will never be able to handle my own dog. Up until now, I’ve really been wanting a dog. I would spend hours throughout the day reading about different (dander-free) dogs and about their good/bad traits on Wikipedia. Now I need to find something else to research.

Update: I forgot to mention something about Mia. She suffers from “50 First Dates” Syndrome. From the time when I put the fools to bed to the time I wake them up to go outside, something happens in Mia’s brain where she forgets that Joe ever existed in her life. When she opens her eyes and sees Joe right next to her, she tries to fight him and I have to restrain two pounds of pure cuteness.